rain.
happens when dark clouds gather and lightning fiercely wanting to strike towards the ground beneath.
destroying or killing anything in it's path.
deadly.

see the picture above?
bet you can see unless you just didn't want to notice it.
it clearly represent me, what i feel like doing, for a very long time.
the road is long ahead, but i hope i won't have to walk alone under the rain.

while walking, i'm left to wonder in my own world and thoughts.
which many are happy, but there are the sad ones too.
at least under the rain, no one knows that i'm actually crying hard.
tearing is a good way to release everything from within and apparently will feel much better after.

oh well, guess i need to continue walking down this road under the rain.

eLaiNe signing off dripping.

it's beyond imagination that one that loves you most, understands you most, be with most, talk to most, promise you most, is the person that can hurt you most.

that feeling, pain, sad, anger, hurt, disappointment, mad, and tears. ALL explodes at the same time.

are you strong enough to handle that? muscle is nothing.

to some people, no matter how much of these mix feelings wanting to explode from within, they can still control somehow.

however to some other people, no matter how sweet words were back then, how loyal or faithful they are, how nice they can be, in the end everything can be the total opposite.

some words, i will never forget. some things, i prefer not to look at and just hope to erase. but some people, it is just not easy to let go.

if you ask, why? who? when? what? where? how?

sorry, there is no answer.

eLaiNe signing off silently...

最近，整个人的情绪很不稳定。
很容易就会流泪，会胡思乱想，会生气，会伤心，会心痛。
到顶怎么了，我也想问问自己。
总是闷闷不乐的，也没胃口。
只想睡觉，而且都是眼泪陪着我睡。
真的很辛苦，这不是真真的我呀！
我想要每天都是开开心心的笑，可以吗？
就让我寂寞寂寞就好。

='(

eLaiNe signing off worried.

It's been quite some time since i last typed in my online diary. Now it's time to revive it.

There's so much to say, but i do not know where to even start. So much that happened, and this makes me scared to see what's ahead in the future.

But most of all, i need someone, no matter a guy or a girl that can be there for me, be there by my side. Not a lover but a true friend that i can really really trust.

There's just so much kept inside that at times, i feel like exploding, break down and just leave.

Honestly, i have no one to turn to for any matter, yes, you may laugh out loud at me, i dare to admit.

I may have many friends around me, but i can't seem to find the right one to share my deep thoughts and feelings with. I'm afraid to be judged and criticized of. Plus i do not want to make him/her judge others too after hearing me out.

Sighs.

At times, i just need a shoulder to lean on, some one to tell me it's gonna be okay, and see that ugly face of mine when i tear. Sadly, there is none.

I guess i'll just have to continue keep everything inside that little heart of mine. Sometimes, it's just better to be just deaf and dumb.

Life just ain't easy living.

eLaiNe signing off heart broken.