Friday, July 31, 2015





eLaiNe signing off with hope..

Tuesday, September 24, 2013













It's been awhile.

Hello fellow bloggers, and of course hello to my blog. It really has been quite awhile since i last updated.

For the past year, other than changing to a brand new job, nothing much have changed.

Only thing that changed is our attitudes and slightly of our hearts.

I really do not know where to start, it is indeed 'a cloth length' long story and i have been devastated since.

From time to time, i will look back at our pictures, our text messages, scanning back fond memories in my mind but at the end, it will always end up the same question, 'What is wrong now?'

Things is getting from bad to worst to total fucked up. Seriously, i am losing hope as well as faith in this whole relationship. I really do not know what to do.

Just so fucked up. That is all i can say.

I wish and pray hard if i could go back time. Really.


On a random note, i had already graduated for 2 years. That was fast!

eLaiNe signing off dying..

Saturday, October 6, 2012


happens when dark clouds gather and lightning fiercely wanting to strike towards the ground beneath.
destroying or killing anything in it's path.

see the picture above?
bet you can see unless you just didn't want to notice it.
it clearly represent me, what i feel like doing, for a very long time.
the road is long ahead, but i hope i won't have to walk alone under the rain.

while walking, i'm left to wonder in my own world and thoughts.
which many are happy, but there are the sad ones too.
at least under the rain, no one knows that i'm actually crying hard.
tearing is a good way to release everything from within and apparently will feel much better after.

oh well, guess i need to continue walking down this road under the rain.

eLaiNe signing off dripping.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

words cannot discribe.

it's beyond imagination that one that loves you most, understands you most, be with most, talk to most, promise you most, is the person that can hurt you most.

that feeling, pain, sad, anger, hurt, disappointment, mad, and tears. ALL explodes at the same time.

are you strong enough to handle that? muscle is nothing.

to some people, no matter how much of these mix feelings wanting to explode from within, they can still control somehow.

however to some other people, no matter how sweet words were back then, how loyal or faithful they are, how nice they can be, in the end everything can be the total opposite.

some words, i will never forget. some things, i prefer not to look at and just hope to erase. but some people, it is just not easy to let go.

if you ask, why? who? when? what? where? how?

sorry, there is no answer.

eLaiNe signing off silently...

Thursday, August 2, 2012




eLaiNe signing off worried.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012


It's been quite some time since i last typed in my online diary. Now it's time to revive it.

There's so much to say, but i do not know where to even start. So much that happened, and this makes me scared to see what's ahead in the future.

But most of all, i need someone, no matter a guy or a girl that can be there for me, be there by my side. Not a lover but a true friend that i can really really trust.

There's just so much kept inside that at times, i feel like exploding, break down and just leave.

Honestly, i have no one to turn to for any matter, yes, you may laugh out loud at me, i dare to admit.

I may have many friends around me, but i can't seem to find the right one to share my deep thoughts and feelings with. I'm afraid to be judged and criticized of. Plus i do not want to make him/her judge others too after hearing me out.


At times, i just need a shoulder to lean on, some one to tell me it's gonna be okay, and see that ugly face of mine when i tear. Sadly, there is none.

I guess i'll just have to continue keep everything inside that little heart of mine. Sometimes, it's just better to be just deaf and dumb.

Life just ain't easy living.

eLaiNe signing off heart broken.