i had a nightmare. a very fearful one.

its still in my head. those flashbacks are crucial. they are haunting me.

those words that appeared are going nowhere but to remain in my head.

it makes me feel like avoiding so badly. i no longer feel secure.

whenever i think about it, my eyes will start to tear.

now i know there is no fairytale. its all a lie.

i fell hard this time. i no longer believe in the word 'trust' for i'll be betrayed.

did you know, when you're close to someone;you're hurting someone close too?

no use acting innocent, the world is cruel.

everything can be deceiving.

now i am living in fear. the last and first thing before and after i wake up will be filled with this fucked up thought wish i never had knew about.

i think i'm slowly turning mad in some way. perhaps white hairs will be my evident?

its killing me.

i hate feeling this way.

i just wanna wake up from this dream so badly.

it hurts.

eLaiNe signing off depressed. =(

i have been MIA for quite some time. been busy with assignments and presentations.
however i'm done with 2 presentations so far.

besides world cup is here, therefore more sleepless nights to update myself. pretty interesting. was watching portugal vs spain but left earlier. its 1-o now. spain scored.

anyway i can't really sleep. shall spend some time updating blog as people are complaining. well just a hand full of them. =) well at least i AM updating it now ain't i?

plus it is great to just listen to songs and spent some time to myself. to clear my mind. been kinda messed up recently. confused. its time to find a way out. i really need a ray of light to lead me out. sighs.

but other than that i'm fine. just that i'm having cough for 3 weeks and it is still not recovering. tmr go see doctor. need medicine badly. haha.

i guess thats all for this post.

eLaiNe signing off like this.

hello hello. =)

i'm currently back in kampar. hot day cold night. depends though. haha.

class started and assignments are pouring in like water. only trouble is that we are being separated to different tutorial groups. which mean forming new groupmates.

so far i'm still with the same ppl for 2 subs. 3 more still unknown yet. will see how it goes. individual work is the worst especially when the final year project is out just this morning.

GG.com

so lets get started! but laze around this week first okay? hehe.

eLaiNe signing off hungry.

what day is today? i can't hear you?

YES!!! its 17th May 2010.

so fast another year has passed. i still remember posting this for the 2 of them which are both born on the same day and are both physically TALL. thats right.

"ppl born today wan sure grow pass 170cm!" (jeckshen, 2010)

so i hereby would like to wish,

first,

don't need intro also will know who he is, Mr Tan Jeck Shen.

i like this pic of yours. very cool. =)

so there you go buddies, wishes from eLaiNe T. =)

love you both much! loves hugs kisses. xoxo.

eLaiNe signing off preparing for tmr!

为什么我会那么的依赖你，那是因为我把你 当做我的唯一，最信赖的人。

为什么我在你不给我打电话的时候会很生气， 因为我想要听到你的声音，感觉你的疼爱。

为什么我会爱生气，因为我只是想要你来哄我，回味我们之间的温存。

我怎么那么爱吃醋，那是因为我爱你，而容不下一点你给其他女生的任何一点温柔。

为什么我爱唠叨让你少喝酒，我也知道那不可能，但是我担心你的身体。

我怎么那么多的眼泪，那是因为我将所有的委屈都化做泪水，而把所有的温柔都留给你。

我愿意为你东奔西跑、为你做很多事，只是因为我爱你，而并不是为了显示自己比你强。

我会在很晚的时候打电话给你，不是不信任你，只是突然很想你，想听听你的声音。

我会想要知道你的一切，想为你分担事情，那是因为我只想要自己是你最亲密的人。

当分手来到时，我那坚强的语言后面是多么伤的伤痛！分手后我不是不痛，而是痛到连看到你就会无 法自拔！

我的爱是那么深。一旦爱上就不能自已。隐瞒 的那么深，不要带给你困扰！而自己哭泣！

我的爱！脆弱又坚强，不要欺骗玩弄感情。

当你说不爱我了。我不会缠着你。只要你快乐，我愿意放开你。

在分手后, 我那笑的背后有了多少的悲痛！

如果爱，请深深的爱我，对我负责，给我一生幸福。

如果不爱，请不要享受我的独爱，放开我，让别的男人来给我幸福。

不要挥霍爱情，爱情挥霍完了，就会挥霍了我的生命。

eLaiNe signing off thinking its true.

why am i here today? for more then 21 years of life. what have i accomplished so far? nothing. just another failure. i do not do my parents proud. not to mention others right. i am basically good for nothing. i only wait to eat, to sleep, to go out, to spend, to play. nothing else. i think my life should be given to someone better that will really appreciate it. i only bring pain and sorrow to others. i can even cause death. i found out about that about a year ago though. ain't i dangerous? i can make one lose their live because of me. which means indirectly i'm a murderer. tell me frankly, have i ever make any one of you happy with me around?because i don't think so. i can make people cry, shout, scream, bang, kick, feel bad about themselves, anything that will hurt. i may look decent but in me, its a whole new story. i may be quiet, but in my mind thoughts are building, i mean the bad ones. i may look cool, but in my heart, its raging with emotions you can't imagine. why need a brain when i make no good use of it? why need a heart when i do not know how to care and love. i'm misusing everything i have. i take things for granted. i am selfish. my temper is unbearable. i do not have good looks. whatever i do is just not enough. not smart enough, not hardworking enough, not pretty enough, not friendly enough, not calm enough, not loving enough, not good at speaking, not thoughtful enough, not creative enough, not wise enough, not caring enough, not patient enough, not rational enough, not positive enough, etc. after things i do, i still never learn. and now i also learn that saying sorry is never enough too. sorry can't be always use after coutless mistakes are made, like me. the thing is, i never learn. i can be angry for no reason, not to say no reasons, but for the wrong ones. i only think to myself but not to others. yes i am pretty selfish. what i think i don't like, i won't care. what i think is right, i expect ppl to follow. ppl don't follow, i'll show face. if i'm not interested, i won't listen. if i'm angry, i'll just walk away. tell me, who will want such person to be with? don't you agree if the person would want me is a blind person? i'm brainless and heartless, do i still deserved to be loved? can i just be a nun and be forever lonely as i do not think i deserve to be loved. for whoever that will be with me will not have a happy ending but only fights, dismays, hurt, sorrows, disappointments, frustrations, angry and nothing good. trust me. this is what you'll get. sighs. so much to write. what a long essay. you ppl can choose not to believe, but this is ME. i do no good. i am a nobody.

eLaiNe signing off lost.

this is where i first stepped in to begin my internship. its a PR company by the way.



We had lunch in the near by mall or cafes downstairs. very convenient indeed but it made holes in my purse all the time! except as below. the japanese restaurant - nagomi. rm9 for student - set lunch. very worth eating! =) *thumbs up!*

attended events. this was the only major one. been to dance performances. had to write a review about it though.

now this is where i sat for 15 weeks. my desktop!

My fellow colleagues. my senior - Sue Ying who taught and helped us a lot.

The new staff - Geraldine. our PR senior as well.

The curtains we had to walk under when going to the toilet or the pantry.

The so-called macho with the bottles of water we drink everyday. We change it very often.

The fridge that is ALWAYS empty. or rather left with unwanted stuffs. LOL.

The pantry area. very small with nothing much to eat. mostly biscuits thanks to Munchy's.

Presenting the toilet! a place where i can take a break from work! lazy me. haha.

Erm the storeroom. Acting as a cleaner!

The mirror we always have to stare before turning right in to the toilet. its divided you see.

This 2 fellas are the only person to depend on while working there. we rant together, eat together, leave together, and play together. Thanks to Yong Mun and Joey for going through this whole thing with me. i know we didn like it but we've made it through! hurray for us! =)

So these are the people who work there. minus Sugan a part timer. didn get to have lunch with him yesterday with the bunch. so this was our last lunch together as a team. went back to the office with them to hang around longer as yesterday was the last day for yong mun and joey. it was our extension-ship.