why am i here today? for more then 21 years of life. what have i accomplished so far? nothing. just another failure. i do not do my parents proud. not to mention others right. i am basically good for nothing. i only wait to eat, to sleep, to go out, to spend, to play. nothing else. i think my life should be given to someone better that will really appreciate it. i only bring pain and sorrow to others. i can even cause death. i found out about that about a year ago though. ain't i dangerous? i can make one lose their live because of me. which means indirectly i'm a murderer. tell me frankly, have i ever make any one of you happy with me around?because i don't think so. i can make people cry, shout, scream, bang, kick, feel bad about themselves, anything that will hurt. i may look decent but in me, its a whole new story. i may be quiet, but in my mind thoughts are building, i mean the bad ones. i may look cool, but in my heart, its raging with emotions you can't imagine. why need a brain when i make no good use of it? why need a heart when i do not know how to care and love. i'm misusing everything i have. i take things for granted. i am selfish. my temper is unbearable. i do not have good looks. whatever i do is just not enough. not smart enough, not hardworking enough, not pretty enough, not friendly enough, not calm enough, not loving enough, not good at speaking, not thoughtful enough, not creative enough, not wise enough, not caring enough, not patient enough, not rational enough, not positive enough, etc. after things i do, i still never learn. and now i also learn that saying sorry is never enough too. sorry can't be always use after coutless mistakes are made, like me. the thing is, i never learn. i can be angry for no reason, not to say no reasons, but for the wrong ones. i only think to myself but not to others. yes i am pretty selfish. what i think i don't like, i won't care. what i think is right, i expect ppl to follow. ppl don't follow, i'll show face. if i'm not interested, i won't listen. if i'm angry, i'll just walk away. tell me, who will want such person to be with? don't you agree if the person would want me is a blind person? i'm brainless and heartless, do i still deserved to be loved? can i just be a nun and be forever lonely as i do not think i deserve to be loved. for whoever that will be with me will not have a happy ending but only fights, dismays, hurt, sorrows, disappointments, frustrations, angry and nothing good. trust me. this is what you'll get. sighs. so much to write. what a long essay. you ppl can choose not to believe, but this is ME. i do no good. i am a nobody.

eLaiNe signing off lost.